I’m very, very stressed today.
My friend was sexually abused when he was very young. Of course, he has huge emotional problems, but I’m the only person in the world that knows besides me, him, the abuser, and possibly his older brother. The only reason his older brother would know is because they shared a room when they were little, and the abuser did it to both of them. He always takes his rage out on me, but I’m trying to be there for him. We’re both really close with the school councellor because we’re her office aids. I decided to talk to her about him today, because as of late he’s been threatening to kill himself.
I’m really worried about him, but I can’t keep living my life to make him happy. I’m not a therapist. I would tell his parents, but they don’t speak much english, and even still, I don’t know if they would do anything about it. I think my friend stopped growing up when it happened, because at times he still acts like he’s a child. He throws tantrums, and just appears to fit in better with younger children. He’s never harmed them or been inappropriate with them; I just know he seems more at ease with them. I don’t know what I can do to help him.
I told Mrs. James (councellor) about everything today. She’s going to try to talk to him alone soon. She said I needed to work on distancing myself from him, because even she has seen that he clings to me for everything. But, I just don’t know if I can do that. I can’t just leave him in this time, but I know it’s dangerous for me to just listen and do what he wants me to. He throws such horrible fits sometimes, and it doesn’t help that his parents spoil him to no end.
I’m just stressed. It’s not my job to keep him happy. Nor can I help him any more. He’s not ever happy around me. He need a professional. I may call a teen suicide hotline. I have to take action soon.
I’m just so stressed.
2 o’clock.
Decipher reflections from reality.
Well, today has been a long day. Is it monday? No, Tuesdy. Okay. Anyway. Got up, went to school. It was Earth Day, so I made a cake for my ecology class. That was kind of fun. It was a round cake, frosted to look like the earth. It had a face too. Mrs. Stone (ecology teacher) thought it was cute. She had us do some drawings for an earth day contest. Ehhh. I think that’s about all that happened outside the norm. Picked up some litter for awhile in celebration of earth day.
I’ve got a terrible headache. I need to get up and clean my room. Hopefully I will get to see Justin tonight. I haven’t hung out with him in what feels like ages, and he wasn’t even at school today. He had a jazz contest in OKC. They had to leave the school at 5 in the morning and won’t be back until 5:30. Wow, I would hate to do that.
Nothing interesting. Sorry. I will update more stuff after I clean my room and read Nicole’s blog.
Cast.
Sarah Michelle- Well, that’s me. I’m 18 years old. I’m a senior in my high school. To say I’m kind of emotional is an understatement. I care too much, forgive too easily, & tend to over analyze. I try to be open minded and kind. But, I am still a gossipy girl.
Mom & Dad- My parents. I still live with them. They’re typically good parents. I like my mother more. I guess that sounds bad, but Dad and I just have personality clashes.
Chris- My older brother (23). He’s hilarious. He lives in an apartment in a town about an hour away. I don’t see him that much any more, which is very sad to me.
Beth- My older sister (20). She still lives at home. We’ve shared a room our entire lives and are very close. She’s my best friend. She’s engaged to a guy named Joe. He’s not particularly what I want fo her, but that’s her business, not mine.
Nathan- My little brother (14). He’s going through a whole teen angst phase right now. He’s still pretty cool most of the time though. I’m practically raising him.
Justin- (17) My best friend for about a years, and boyfriend for about four months. It’s not that long, but I really think I love him. Only time can tell though, right?
Casey- (16) Another dear, dear friend of mine. He’s kind of goofy, but I love him. He’s also best friends with Justin. If I mention Railey, that’s his girlfriend. Her nickname is also Tree.
David- (18) This guy has been one of my closest friends since 8th grade. We’ve been through a lot, but when it comes down to it, we’re still here for each other. He’s almost like my child. If I mention a Sarah I’m talking about his girlfriend. If I mention a Jaime I’m talking about his crazy ex-girlfriend.
Phujohn- (17) My Vietnamese buddy. We dated a long time ago, but we’re just friends. That’s all we’ve ever been I think. He has a lot of emotional problems, but he’s still a good guy. He’s also best friends with David. He tends to be very clingy though.
Jeff- (17) Ugh, I don’t like this guy. He used to be best friends with Justin, but he’s also been a jerk. I “dated” him in junior high. It was a dumb thing, you know. Being a little kid. He doesn’t like the fact that Justin’s dating him because he “had feelings for me,” but I really think he has a gay crush on Justin. I really think that.
Meagan- (17) My cycloptian buddy (aka OD). She’s my best best girlfriend. One of the few female friends I have. She’s been there a lot for me, and I try to be there for her. I wouldn’t have made it without her.
Heather- (15) This girl is literally insane, I think. She’s one of Jeff’s ex-girlfriends, and became friend with me out of mutual dislike for Jeff. She’s hilarious, but crazy.
Beth H.- (19) We used to be best friends, but have drifted some. She’s always there for me when I need a girly friend though. She recently had a baby, Riley and is married to a guy named Cory.
Nicole- A blog buddy from South Africa. She’s super cool, and you have noooo idea how much she’s helped me. I seriously love this woman, and would like to meet her one day.
Candace- Another online buddy. She also read my old diary, and helped me feel a lot better about myself. I love her too.
Tara- (23) My favorite aunt. I grew up with her, as she’s only 23. She’s married and with child now. I’m really excited about it. I love her, and we have tons of fun together no matter what we’re doing. Her husband is Greg.
Daniel- (17) This is Justin’s cousin. We talk a lot, but sometimes he makes me uncomfortable. He’s kind of hit-ty on-y ish. I think that’s weird because I’m dating his cousin.
Jess Dear- (16) A girlfriend that lives pretty far away. We still text each other all the time.
More- I’m sure there are more people, and I may add more later. If I don’t feel they will be talke about a lot, I will just explain who they are in my entry that I mention them in.
Because.
This is my diary. I had a blog, but I only used it to write my misfortunes. I wanted a normal blog, like a few of my good friends have. The good things in life deserve to be known too. This will be just a normal blog, for anyone who wants to see it.
